A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says 6
Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.
The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing “That’s horrible.”
Confused, he says, “Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving and there
is that risk involved.”
After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, “How many is a
The Pregnant Blonde
The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the
driveway jumping for joy! I didn’t know why she was jumping so excitedly
but I thought, ‘what the heck’, and I starting jumping up and down along with her.
She said, ‘I have some really great news!’
I said, ‘Great. Tell me why you’re so happy.’
She stopped jumping and breathing heavily from all the jumping up and
down, told me that she was pregnant. I knew she’d been trying for a while
so I told her, ‘That’s great I couldn’t be happier for you!’
Then she said, ‘There’s more’
I asked, What do you mean there’s more.
She said, ‘Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her
how she knew. She said….
(You’re going to love this!)
‘Well, that was the easy part. I went to Sam’s Club and they actually had
a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack. Both tests came out positive!’
Doc, It Hurts All Over
A woman explains to the doctor, “When I touch my arm, ouch, it hurts. When I touch my leg, ouch, it hurts. When I touch my head, ouch, it hurts. When I touch my chest, ouch it hearts.”
The doctor just shakes his head and asks, “You’re a natural blonde, aren’t you?”
The women smiles and says,”Why, yes I am. How did you know?”
The doctor replies, “Because your finger is broken.”
A blonde goes out for a run. She comes to a river and cannot see a bridge anywhere nearby. She spots another blonde on the opposite bank.
“How can I get to the other side?”
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river than shouts back,
“You’re already on the other side!”
Blonde on the Sun
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, ‘We were the first in space!”
The American said, “We were the first on the moon!”
The Blonde said, “So what? We’re going to be the first on the sun!”
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
“You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up! said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, “We’re not stupid, ya know. We’re going at night!”
What did the blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?
“Oh, look donut seeds.”
An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds. The blonde followed the doctor’s advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question: “How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?”
On a Diet
A blonde woman is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said. “Did you follow my instructions?”
The blonde nodded. “I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”
“From hunger, you mean?” asked the doctor.
“No, from skipping.”
Do you have a blonde joke you want to share? Send it to me firstname.lastname@example.org – I am always up for a laugh.